The wages of sin

It's been a strange weekend. Thursday the GP called me in to tell me my regular HIV test had come back "equivocal". They've drawn another sample and I'll find out the result on Tuesday. But it's not looking good. 

The strange thing is that I'm not really freaking out about it. Maybe that's just the fatalistic side of my personality. Maybe it's the fact that I've accepted from a long time ago that high risk behaviour means a high risk of getting pozzed. And I think I have a good understanding of what it might mean in practice. 

The funny thing is that there is an element of relief in it all. I spent some time this morning checking out a listing for bareback sex parties, getting hard thinking of getting bred by a series of black guys. 

The reality of not being able to bareback with negative guys plus having to take a pill every day will take most of the fun out of it I suspect. 

We'll see what Tuesday brings.