Friday, September 30, 2016

Dodged a bullet

Final results came back. Negative for HIV including from viral load test. Doctor said it was unusual to get a false positive, let alone "equivocal" result. May have been contamination somewhere in the process.
Looking back the most striking thing about it was my reaction. I suppose I should have been freaking out. But I wasn't. Maybe it's because I've been taking risks for so long now (I've been barebacking since the early 2000s) and I've adjusted to the chances of getting pozzed.
The other thing is, I found the idea of being poz a bit of a turn-on. The idea of being infected doesn't do anything for me - I've never been into bug-chasing. And I don't want to be on meds for the rest of my life.
But the idea of being able to drop all inhibitions and take all and any loads... that's a turn-on.
But for now it looks as if I'm stuck with this tension between wanting my hole drenched in cum and trying to limit my risks.

Saturday, September 24, 2016

The wages of sin

It's been a strange weekend. Thursday the GP called me in to tell me my regular HIV test had come back "equivocal". They've drawn another sample and I'll find out the result on Tuesday. But it's not looking good. 
The strange thing is that I'm not really freaking out about it. Maybe that's just the fatalistic side of my personality. Maybe it's the fact that I've accepted from a long time ago that high risk behaviour means a high risk of getting posted. And I think I have a good understanding of what it might mean in practice. 
The funny thing is that there is an element of relief in it all. I spent some time this morning checking out a listing for bareback sex parties, getting hard thinking of getting bred by a series of black guys. 
The reality of not being able to bareback with negative guys plus having to take a pill every day will take most of the fun out of it I suspect. 
We'll see what Tuesday brings. 

Sunday, April 17, 2016

Nostalgia sex

The last couple of months have been a bit of a dry spell. I've been out to the clubs a few times but didn't get much action. And some of the edge has gone off the sex–is that what happens when you get older? I've hooked up a couple of times with N who's always a great fuck. But these days he won't meet up in the park and it's always hard to find a time when the coast is clear at home.
Yesterday out of the blue I got a message from K. Just getting a message was great–for me he's always been something more than a fuck bud. But it turned out he was horny too.
We drank a bit of wine, then got naked and started making out. Soon enough he had me on my knees eating out my hole. He fucked my face for a while. Then he rubbered up and slid into my hole. I've said it before, he's the only guy who always hurts me when he fucks me. This time was no different. He's big, but it's mostly the fact that he stays hard and pushes in deep. And although he's a sweet guy he's a merciless top.  
He had me in a few different positions, fucking me hard and deep and making me groan. After half an hour he came and lay beside me while we made out for a while. Then he pushed into me raw. That's how I like it but I don't ask him for it–he's the one who's hung up on not getting infected so I figure it's up to him to decide how much risk he wants to run.
Next he starts fingering my arse. Then he's using four fingers to fuck my hole. After he's loosened me up a bit he's in with his whole fist. I tell him to go for it. He doesn't need any more encouragement. He alternates fists. For a while he has his raw dick in there as well as his fist. He gets off on making me squirm. Then he's punching my hole. At one point I end up on my back bent double with my toes hooked up in his bedhead while he fucks down into me and then punchfists me from above. Hot!
A little while later he's lying on the bed, rough fisting me with his right hand while he jerks his his big dick with his left. Then his dick's in my mouth gushing cum.
It wasn't the greatest sex we've ever had but just seeing him again, drinking, talking, kissing and getting naked was special. I miss him when I haven't seen him for a while but when we do get together we always seem to be a good fit. He's got a pervy streak which adds to the fun. I keep hoping he'll piss in my hole again but I guess he's deciding barebacking with me is too risky. (Which is fair enough: he's worked out that I take a lot more risks than he is comfortable with).

Sunday, March 6, 2016

Both ways

This happened nearly a year ago.
I was at a party when I got a call. It was Enrique. I had hooked up with him only once, half a world away in Lima. He had told me he was coming here but hadn't said when. On the phone he said he only had that night free before going down to Hiroshima. 
We met at around 11pm. He wanted to go to a bathhouse. We started in the bath–he had sore feet after a week of sightseeing. Then headed up to the room and got into it. He's a big guy, friendly, bearded, big uncut dick, poz but undetectable. He was all lazy while I massaged his back and feet and rimmed his nasty arse. Then he flipped me over, hardened up and starting pushing in, dry. It hurt like fuck but I wanted him in me. He makes the most of his size: he pounded me on my front, then flipped me over onto my back and piston fucked me more. The banged me hard from above. He hadn't cum for nearly a week and didn't last that long.  
When he was done he slept for half an hour then announced he was leaving. 
In Lima he had been all friendly and chatty. Maybe he was just too tired for it this time. But I was sorry to see him leave.
Funny thing is, he seems to want to stay in touch. I got a message from his just a few days ago from him on bbrt from Florida. Not sure we'll find ourselves in the same town again but you never know.

It's been a while

I've had a dry spell. But on Friday Nori came round and put a load in me. Often I give up on him - he fucks me around, says he wants to come round then doesn't, wants to turn up at 2 o'clock in the morning, shit like that. But when he shows he's all hard dick and rough fuck. He knows to work my nipples hard. 
I hadn't had a dick inside me for about five weeks. He made the wait almost worthwhile. After he'd come in me he tried to shove his fist in as well. Yeouch. I wasn't lubed and I'd hadn't been fisted for a long time.
He said he had jacked off three times before he came round. Maybe. He still left a big load in me as I found out the next morning.