Hiro

We hooked up again last weekend. He told me when we exchanged messages that he had a stomach upset and couldn't take a fist. But he really wanted to get inside me again.
So maybe there wasn't quite the same sizzle this time round. But I was really turned on. Just like last time we started by making out, before I bent him over and pushed my tongue into his hole. The taste, the texture, the look and feel of his lean back ... it gets me horned up, fast. When I dig my fingernails into his nipples it's clear he wants to be made my bitch. Within a few minutes I was raw dicking him again, just with spit.
He's a natural sub. And can take pain. Last time I used the talon tit clamps on him. They hurt like fuck. I did the same again. Put his hands on his head. Got him to look in my eyes as I slowly released the clamp onto his nipple. Listened to him his, watch his face contort. He didn't complain or try to stop me. I gave him a minute to settle then started playing with the chain. He hissed again. I made him watch while I put the other clamp on my tit. Then wrapped my arms around him and pulled him hard against me. He was whimpering as the pressure bit but still opened his mouth for my tongue. I reached down to check: his dick was rigid. I kept pulling him closer, chest against chest, as he squirmed and whimpered with the pain of the clamp. Then let go, pushed him back the length of the chain while I looked him in the eyes. He yelped when I eventually took the clamp off but leant into me to kiss again.
We lay down for a while, talking. touching, making out. I now forget the sequence. All I remember is that at some point we were squatting on the floor, facing each other, I had the clamps back on with the chain joining us, and his dick was hard and oozing precum. He kept telling me he hated the talon clamp but his dick was telling the truth. At some point I pulled myself forward, put my feet behind his back, lifted myself up and slid my hole down onto his dick. He looked anxious and after half a minute asked about a condom. I just said I didn't want him to cum in me. I fucked myself on his dick for a few minutes, both of us hard and leaking, before I lifted myself off.
After a break we ended up in the sling room. I wanted to try for more depth. I got him to slide a long thing double-head dong up into me as far as I could take it. Then got him to use his hand, pushing his fingers up as deep as he could. For someone who a couple of weeks ago had insisted he never topped he was having a helluva lot of fun. We played for half an hour until I started to get a bit tender and called a halt. 
We ended up back in the other room where, a little while later, I fucked him while jacking him. We came at the same time, him blowing a load in my hand while I blew in his hole. 
I have to say it's great sex. The combination of sweet (all the kissing, touching, cuddling) and savoury (the pain stuff, the fist, the punk fucking) is a huge turn-on. The fact that he's poz and infectious ... not sure what part that plays. Anyhow he makes my dick hard like no-one else I've had sex with in a long time. And it seems to go both ways: he says he hardly ever gets hard, but the way I hurt him seems to make his dick go rigid. I told him i want to cane him. He says he would take it. 

Dumb but fun

I guess that means me rather than him. Let me tell you what I mean.
We arranged to rendezvous at a small local club. Hiro shook off the snow, stripped and put his gear in a locker and disappeared into the toilet. He emerged just wearing a jock.
We didn't wait to get to a cubicle. I started on his nipples. Hard. He whimpered but didn't  flinch. I took him through to a cubicle, bent him forward and started tonguing his hole. He tasted good and made all the right noises. Within a minute I was hard. Another few minutes and we were in the cubicle with the door half open and I had my dick deep in his hole. No rubber.
The thing is, we had had chatted online beforehand. He told me he was poz. When I pressed further he said he wasn't yet on meds and had a high viral load. So we would have to play safe. Anything else would be stupid, right? And unnecessary.
So like I say, within five minutes I was spit fucking him raw. Over three and a half hours I dicked him standing, on his back, on his side, in the sling, before I fisted him, while I was fisting him. And at the end I dropped a load in him. No, I'm genuinely not a chaser. But I was turned on like crazy while I was fucking him. Explain that please.
I don't mean to spend a whole post whingeing about how stupid I've been. We have to live with the consequences of our actions, I guess. And it's not exactly as if I've been playing safe these past few months. But by any rational standard this was pretty stupid.
Back to Sunday. Hiro was 30ish,  5'9", 150. Nice body, short hair. Really small dick. And he made it clear he was all bottom. Really wanted to get fisted.
We clicked right from the start. The thing is, I'm mostly bottom myself, as you know. Yet I found myself all horned up the whole night, wanting to do to him the things I usually want a top to do to me.
He was certainly a natural sub. Early on, once it was clear he could take it rough, I made him close eyes and put hands on his head while I put a talon tit clamp on him. That thing hurts like a bitch. He stood there and took it. Whimpered as I played with it, even more when I tugged. But he took it.
He was completely pliant. I wanted him on his back, he went on his back. I wanted him to sit on my dick while I dug my nails into his nipples, he did it. I wanted to spank his arse and his hole after I finished eating him out: all good by him.
The original point of hooking up was to fist him. I had limited expectations, apart from getting to play with a younger guy with a nice body. With fisting I mostly get off on bottoming and beforehand I was wondering whether I could even get him to flip. He had said he had no real experience, that his ex had complained he was a useless fister.
I'll tell you later how that turned out. But the revelation of the session was what a turn-on it could be to fist a guy like him – narrow waist, really tight hole, really wanting to be opened up. His hole was as tight as fuck. I don't have big hands but I struggled to get into him, and could really only make it work with my left hand, which is smaller. But once I was in there ... WOW! With my fist in there up to the wrist there was a ring about where my knuckles sat. He loosened up enough to let my knuckles through and not much more. But the sensations! For him and for me.
I think most of the guys I've fisted up till now have had a lot more room inside their shitter – so once you're through the anus it's pretty easy going for a while, at least until you try to go deep. With Hiro it was tight tight tight all night, to the point my hand hurt just from being in there. Yet he kept begging me to punch my way in or push deeper. It was intimate and intense and wonderful.
It helped that he was a big kisser. Like me he got off on kissing during the most intense moments – while being fisted or fucked or having his nipples wrecked.
One more thing. A light went off in my brain at one point. I suddenly realised why Jamie gets such a high when he fists me. I think it's the same thing: my hole is really tight, I never loosen up to the point where his fist just gets sucked in, it always involves a lot of effort from me and from him. And the whole time he's in there his fist is being tightly gripped by the muscles in my arse. That means that any movement generates intense sensation for both of us. So that realisation – the parallel between what Hiro was feeling as a bottom and what I get with Jamie – was my eureka moment for January.
Speaking of which ... After two frustrating weekends I wanted to get some action in my hole too. I didn't have high expectations but I got Hiro to lube up and try my hole. His hands are real small so that wasn't too much of a challenge. He was scared of hurting me so I had to keep telling him to push. Eventually I got up, told him to lie on his side and aim his arm straight up. I slid down it and then went nuts on it for a few minutes. Sometimes a man's gotta do ...
He didn't seem too traumatised by it in the end. In fact he emailed me last night to say how much he had enjoyed fisting me. I think there's a lesson in there for confirmed bottoms – for both of us, in fact.
So that was my big night with Hiro. I don't know whether it will go anywhere. Even though I had my tongue down his throat for much of the night I'm not looking for anything romantic. But the idea of seeing how much further I can take his pain slut side turns me on. He said he's game for it. I said I wanted to cane him. We'll see. Certainly he said he liked the way I worked him over, and wanted to do it again. And the idea of getting back into his hole makes my dick hard.
I'll keep you posted.

Wen r u bak i want it

Just had a few days back home. Started getting horny texts and emails from Jamie the week or two before I got there. He took the day off. I had vodka, rum and smokes from the duty-free so we got comfortable on the sofa and got quietly wasted. 
Like always he wanted to fuck me before anything else. He's back into one of those phases where he's freaking out about bareback. Said it wasn't worth the mental anguish. So he rubbered up before he slid into me. He was cursing it at the same time – he hates condoms, doesn't stay hard so easily. But otherwise it was like old times. Fucked me for half an hour, missionary style, finally started banging me hard, pelvis to pelvis, and blew a load. 
After a smoke and more booze he wanted to get his fist in me. It was sweet. I was  relaxed and he got into me first time round. He's still fascinated by my hole and wants to get into me deeper. The last time in July he had started to find a route past first base. This time he went exploring again, fingers outstretched, looking for some depth. I sucked  on some poppers and he just pigged out inside me, pushing, twisting, probing. I was pretty much delirious.
It turned into a long night. Jamie gets real talkative when he's got liquor in him. Plus it was a Friday night so he was getting texts from some of his mates. He invited one of them up to play - some slut from nearby who wanted to get fucked. Not really my type: short, porky, completely passive. He wanted fist as well. I tried but couldn't get into him. He eventually left.
Then Jamie started getting texts from one of his straight/bi mates. He turned up around midnight, completely wasted. It was helluva funny. James and Steve were abusing each other, replaying years of parties, booze, girls and sex. I was just sitting in front of them on the floor, naked, watching porn on the TV. Jamie eventually got into Steve's pants, got him hard, sucked on his dick for a while. This went on - smokes, more vodka, cocksucking, more chat - for hours. Steve kept shedding clothes until he was starkers as well. 
Jamie was pimping my hole, wanted Steve to fuck me. He tried a few times, always with a rubber, but couldn't keep it up for more than a few minutes. At one point he got me to eat his arsehole. Mmmm. The guy was hot, no doubt about it. He had a bit of a gut but he had a muscly butt, with fine blond hair all up his taint and hole. His hole was kinda raunchy. There was enough booze in me and enough sex in the air that it just turned me on more. I hardened up fast and jacked myself while I sniffed and ate him out. The taste lingered on my lips. 
About 3am something changed. Steve must have decided he wanted to get off. He took charge, got me on my knees on the couch and just pushed straight in, no rubber. The guy is six foot, big uncut dick. He was still sloppy drunk and it was a sloppy drunk rough fuck. He banged me hard for a while, pausing to pull all the way out then drive all the way back in. Jamie was urging him on, calling me a dirty bareback slut.
Eventually Steve gave up, said he couldn't come. He was still half hard when he pulled out. I fingered my hole and tasted it. The bastard had stealthed me. 
Jamie eventually kicked him out, still wasted, around 4am. We slept a few hours before he had to get up for work, hung over but complaining because he hadn't woken up early enough to fuck me again.

Tumblr

Tumblr seems to be where it's happening. Check out this clip. And this one. Love this stuff. 

Ken

Finally scored tonight after a few weeks of drought. I saw a new profile on BBRT this afternoon and messaged him to see if he wanted to fuck. He was real slow replying to messages and it looked as if he had lost interest when I said I couldn't host. But then things livened up:

Me: Do you like fucking in public toilets? Or outdoors, in parks?

Him: I love it. Just let me know i will be there and fuck u.

I asked if he was poz. His profile said "ask me". He replied that he was undetectable so I said that was fine by me. We agreed to meet at the station and then try to find somewhere in the park. I went out for a run and then met him in front of the station. It was still raining and already getting dark. 
We walked and talked for a while. He was taller than me, younger, nice body, regular-guy looks. On the north side of the park we found a spot off the path and away from the lights under a fallen tree. He was a bit nervous - we could still see people walking along the path - but also seemed to get a buzz out of the exposed location. 
We kissed. He tasted of cigarettes and coffee. He went straight for my nipples. He worked them hard, using his nails. I was hard almost immediately. After a while he used one hand to undo his belt and with the other, digging his nails into my nipple, he slowly pulled me down onto his dick. He was uncut and hard. I went down on him, speeding up as he dug harder into my tit. He used his other hand to pull me further onto his dick, then started slapping me. 
After a few minutes of this I got back onto my feet and kissed him again. I asked if I could eat him out. He turned round, dropped his trousers all the way and bent forward to let me get at his hole. He was clean but tasty. He moaned as I pushed my tongue up his hole. After a few minutes I stood up, turned him round and kissed him again. 
Then it was his turn. He pushed me forward against the gate, squatted behind me, spat onto my hole and started rimming me. Before long he was standing behind me sliding his dick up and down my crack. Then he slipped the head into my hole, just with saliva for lube. Before I knew it he was all the way in. He fucked me slow then fast, holding me round the waist, nibbling at my neck then my ear, then using both hands on my nipples again.
Eventually he said he wanted to cum with me. He started a jack-rabbit fuck while I bent all the way forward, holding onto the lowest bar on the gate. Then he wrapped his arms around me, squeezed my torso and said he was going to cum. He pulsed a few times, groaned and stood up, his dick still inside me.
He wanted me to cum too. I pulled off him, turned round, squatted and went down on his dick, still hard and still tasting of his cum and my arse juices. Made my dick harden up again. I shat out a handful of his cum and licked it off my hand while I jacked myself with the other hand. He reached down and dug his nails into my nipple again as I came hard between his legs, still sucking on his salty dick.
I missed a chance at the end: he wandered over to the fence and pissed, a long loud man-piss. I should have been on my knees in front of him drinking it down or getting a hair rinse. Next time maybe haha.
Walking home I had that ache in my arse that comes from being well fucked. And a big smutty smile on my face. Especially when I found I could still taste his arse on my lips.  

Risk

In my last post I talked a bit about poz guys, barebacking and risks. 
If you haven't already seen it the guy who blogs at mydirtyfavourites - another one who mostly fucks raw these days - has also talked about how he sees risks with guys who are poz but undetectable. Check it out. As a bonus you get lots of dirty pix and video clips in between the chunks of text.

Update

Sorry about the lack of updates lately. The fact is I'm not getting much action right now. The past year or so I was getting dicked pretty much every weekend by Jamie, plus he was fisting me most times as well. Now I'm in a new city and haven't yet found anyone to take over. 
I have hooked up a few times with Yoshi. We have a lot of fun - if anything he's more of a slut than me. But he's basically a hungry bottom, ultimately more interested in what goes into his hole than what he can put into mine, to the point where if he's fisting me he will sometimes manoeuvre himself so he can get me to fist him simultaneously. Now I may be generous and giving but when I'm getting fisted I really want the top to be completely focused on me, not trying to get some for himself. My deaf FB Shane is another hungry fist bottom but at least when he's doing me he's completely focused on opening me up and seeing how hard he can work my hole.
Maybe I'll have better luck next weekend. I got hit up by a guy on bbrt who is going to be visiting. He describes himself as Arab, from London. Top, with an extra big dick, ticks just about all the boxes you can tick in a bbrt profile. He says he's poz and undetectable.  
Which raises the question: why do I end up hooking up with so many poz guys? Yoshi, Shane, the deckhelfer in Berlin, the guy in Sydney I didn't tell you about, the black guy in Chicago I didn't tell you about, the S&M top in SFO who broke a cane on my arse, the skinny ginge back home I fucked last year and didn't tell you about, the mad bug chaser/gifter 20 year old that I really don't even want to think about right now... And the cockney Arab who wants to breed me next week. Bit of a pattern there, huh?
I guess the first question is whether I'm a chaser myself. The answer is no. Sure, there is a bit of a frisson that goes with the risk. But I really don't want the hassle that goes with being poz. I'm still just risk averse enough that I won't hook up with guys on bbrt who list their status as unsure or don't care. I'm working on the (maybe dangerous) assumption that a guy who says he's undetectable is probably telling the truth, and the (also risky) calculation that my chances of getting infected by a top who's undetectable are low. But the risk is obviously there, especially if I get fisted before or after taking a load. 
But there is definitely something about poz guys that works for me. I think a lot of it's the attitude. Being completely unapologetic about slutty high-risk sex. The fuck-you view of middle class sexual morality. Fewer hang-ups about age, looks, body.